You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
its liver damage thursday
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