Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
