Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize