hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
