I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
