You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
