You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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