Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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