you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
