He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
