whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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