you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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