Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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