You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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