I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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