I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize