I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
