just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
