Are we in a gay sports bar?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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