You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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