I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
