You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize