You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
