They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
