I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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