U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
