Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
