Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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