she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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