Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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