Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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