sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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