There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
