He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
