I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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