first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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