i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
one might say we're banned from that church
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
