John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
