Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
