Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
