i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
