The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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