You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
