I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
