If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my shit smells like andre
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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