Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize