why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
