Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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