I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
