There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
