i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
"it" just moved
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
