Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
