I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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