On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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