I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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