Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
