Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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