I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
