I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
