you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
