Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
