So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
