Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
