If i come over, it means nothing
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She announced her abortion via fbk
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
