My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
