Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
