he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
